


remake your memories

by hoosierbitch



Category: Dark Angel
Genre: Friendship, Holidays, Kissing, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-23
Updated: 2010-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-14 00:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/143267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoosierbitch/pseuds/hoosierbitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec and Logan, from their first kiss to their first Christmas. </p>
            </blockquote>





	remake your memories

**Author's Note:**

>  While a small section of this fic was orginially written for [](http://daria234.livejournal.com/profile)[ **daria234**](http://daria234.livejournal.com/)  [here](http://daria234.livejournal.com/9022.html?thread=42302#t42302), the rest was written for Day 10 of the Dark Angel Holiday Festival at [](http://community.livejournal.com/jam_pony_fic/profile)[ **jam_pony_fic**](http://community.livejournal.com/jam_pony_fic/)! Big thanks to [](http://denyce.livejournal.com/profile)[**denyce**](http://denyce.livejournal.com/) for organizing this wonderful celebration!

“I? Have _adorable toes_.”

Logan glared at the barefoot transgenic who had apparently taken up residence his couch. The couch in the living room of his locked apartment.

“See? Look at them dance!” Then, Alec giggled.

Something was very, very wrong.

“Are you - are you drunk?”

Alec’s eyes widened and his splayed toes stopped wiggling. “I’m _broken_?”

“No - you’re drunk.”

Alec shook his head earnestly. “Don’t get drunk. Not supposed to. My mebatoli - my metaloli - it’s very fast,” he shared solemnly.

Logan looked at the pile of his empty scotch bottles - his pile of _very expensive_ scotch bottles - and sighed. “I think that much booze would give a whale alcohol poisoning.”

Alec scrambled up off the couch and clutched his shirtfront so tightly the seams at the shoulders began to tear. “I’ve been _poisoned_?”

Alec was pressed tightly against him. His breath - like fumes from a distillery with undertones of mint - was hot against his neck. “No, Alec. You’re fine. Just inebriated, I promise. You want to let go of me now?”Alec went still, and then his fingers smoothed out the wrinkles in Logan’s shirt, slowly, small brushes of his fingertips like a cat kneading his claws. “You can let go now.”

“Don’t think I want to,” Alec breathed. His hands slid down Logan’s shoulders, down his arms, stopped at his wrists. He knew that Alec could hold him down if he wanted to, could break his wrists without even meaning to - but when he tugged at Alec’s hold, he just...let go. Then he slid down to sit with his back against the couch, pile of empty bottles beside him.

He sat down next to Alec and watched his toes curl against the carpet until he fell asleep.

*

After the incident with the alcohol Alec danced around him like he had somehow become both radioactive and magnetic. He’d barge in some evenings and sit at Logan's table and eat his spaghetti with the serving utensils, grinning perversely until Logan gave up and went to the kitchen to fetch him flatware. Other nights he'd just sit in Logan's old wheelchair and twirl around in circles while Logan put together the Eye's Only broadcasts. Twice he came in to use Logan's shower, three times to steal his newspaper, and once because he was bleeding from a scrape down his back that he couldn't reach to clean. He always left without saying goodbye.

When Logan had first been getting to know Max, she’d been - wary. Suspicious and paranoid until she'd become flirtatious, challenging in a whole new way. But Alec was different. Alec seemed...nervous.

So the next night that Alec came over, banging the door loudly behind him and kicking his shoes into the wall (as opposed to other nights when he slipped through the window and snuck up behind Logan to see how loud he could get him to yell in surprise) Logan decided he was done being patient. He didn’t complain when Alec ate from the serving bowl and put his elbows on the table and made fun of Logan's selection of wine.

Instead, he walked around the table, ran his hand through Alec's fine hair, and kissed him.

His lips were even softer than they looked. Luscious, pliant - passive. Alec wasn’t kissing him back - which didn’t quite line up with what Logan had been expecting. He’d thought that Alec was just waiting for an opening. An invitation. But Alec didn't move, didn't bite, didn't grab Logan's shoulders or hands or arms - he just held perfectly still. Only his breathing stuttered.

But after a second he licked his own lips, a nervous habit - and because Logan didn’t pull back, Alec’s tongue teased across his own mouth. He pulled Alec closer and he let out a gasp, a surprised, pleased noise.

"That was - " Alec said when he pulled back. "Can I - " And his eyes flickered so quickly between Logan's lips and his eyes that they were practically a blur.

"You don't have to play innocent," Logan murmured. "You're acting like you've never been kissed before. We both know that's not true." He laughed a little and then leaned in for a second kiss. Something cold and dark and fragile in Alec's eyes stopped him in his tracks.

Most of the time - times like tonight - he forgot how short Alec's life on the outside really was. A few short months of living on his own, of calling his own shots, making his own decisions, choosing his own partners. Kissing people he wanted to kiss.

"No," Alec said, and his recoil was swift, trying desperately to recover his balance. "You just - I was surprised, is all. I’ll do better now - "

"Alec," he interrupted. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He licked his lips, still wet from Alec's tongue, and moved a bit closer. "I like you," he said. And Alec lunged forward and ran one hand through Logan's hair, exactly the way Logan had done it to him, and kissed him back.

*

The first night that Alec woke up covered in a cold sweat, he didn’t say anything. Didn’t question why Alec spent the next two days at Joshua’s, didn’t press for information when Alec refused to kiss him for a week even though otherwise he was even wilder, even needier, once they were in bed.

The second time it happened he held his peace. Waited for Alec to come to him.

The third time he recognized the lonely desperation in Alec’s eyes and refused to let him out of bed.

“What were you dreaming about?”

Alec’s back was to him, his legs swung over the side of the bed. He couldn’t see his face but the curve of his spine stiffened almost imperceptibly. He sat up behind Alec, pressed his chest against his back. Kissed his neck, his shoulder, started to suck a mark into Alec’s skin next to the tattoo before Alec pulled away. “Don’t,” his lover whispered.

“What don’t you want me to do?”

Alec was - Alec was shaking. “Don’t bite me,” Alec whispered.

“Okay. I’ll stop doing that if you don’t like it.”

“I do like it,” Alec replied. He was shivering like a nervous horse. Logan could barely see him in the light from the hallway peeking through the cracked door. “But I - I _shouldn’t_ , I can’t, not if I want them to leave me alone - ” he let out a choked moan and then bolted for the bathroom.

Logan sat in his dark bedroom and thought about Ben. About prayers to made-up goddesses that went unanswered, about the things that penniless orphans had to offer her. He ran his tongue over his teeth, the smooth sides and jagged edges, and then followed Alec.

He was sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Hands folded in front of him. Elbows resting on his knees. Face as blank a mask as Logan’d ever seen on him before. “I might be crazy,” Alec said. “I might - they spent six months trying to fix me, but I wasn’t - I wasn’t lost, the same way that Ben was. And some days - some days out here, in the world, I feel lost. And I don’t know what to do. And I worry about what I might do because of that.”

“You’re not going to turn into Ben.” And he tried to say it with all the confidence he had, all the trust he could dare to give - but Alec didn’t move until he brushed the tips of his fingers over his barcode. “I won’t let you,” he continued. And Alec pulled him to his knees and kissed him, sobbed into the curve of his shoulder, wrapped Logan’s arms around him when he needed to be held and let Logan guide him back to bed when he was finished.

*

He’d planned a big Christmas party. Sent out invitations to Max and Joshua and Asha, stocked up on alcohol to alleviate the inevitable awkwardness, and started cooking. Alec - for all of his innate curiousness - seemed to regard his work in the kitchen as some unfathomable magic and just sat on the counter to watch him work.

“We did celebrate Christmas at Manticore, you know,” Alec told him as he pulled out the third tray of cookies and got out the pan to heat up milk for hot chocolate. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of it.”

Logan glared at him. “It’s not about that, okay?” Alec held up his hands in mock-surrender and then nibbled at the gingerbread person Logan’d given him. He sighed and rested both hands flat on the counter. “It’s not - this isn’t about the Christmases you’ve had before. It’s not about erasing bad memories.” Not like it was some nights in bed, when Alec stuttered secrets at him, tense and afraid and insecure. “This is about...our first Christmas together. Me and you. I just want it to be a good one.”

“Our first Christmas,” Alec said slowly. Logan nodded and went back to the stove to stir the cranberry sauce, turn up the heat on the milk. “We’re - are we - are you going out with me?”

“Well, tonight I’m staying _in_ with you - and about a dozen of our friends - but, yes, Alec. We’re going out.”

He still wasn’t quite used to how quickly Alec could move. One second his hand was on the pot handle and he was concentrating on not showing Alec any signs of nervousness on his part, and the next - the next he was being kissed breathless by gingerbread flavored lips, his hips pulled tight against Alec’s own, breath knocked out of him with the strength of Alec’s hold on him. “I want eggnog,” Alec whispered when he stepped back. “On our Christmases. Okay?”

“Okay. I can do that.”

He got the ingredients for eggnog out of the fridge with a smile. Alec sat down on the counter next to the stove, pulled his feet up (even though that is _not sanitary_ , Alec), and wiggled his adorable toes.

*

Feedback is appreciated!


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